I have a confession to create. Into the strongest, purest

pit

of my personal wildly lesbian cardiovascular system, i enjoy the charismatic king player/sex-addict of ”
The L Keyword,
” Shane McCutcheon, like not any other figure. It is not merely an intimate interest thing (though which is part of it) — We harbor a visceral and mental affection toward the cherished Shane as well.

I would ike to explain: whenever my vision initially penetrated an episode of ”
the L Word
,” I found myself an eighteen-year-old freshman at art class in southern California. I experienced a

boyfriend

. Despite having a boyfriend, I was entirely and utterly enthusiastic about a lady a few years avove the age of me: a wild-eyed, acid blond dancing major. We liked my personal sweetheart where “best pal” type of method, but I lusted after women with a ravenous hunger I couldn’t quell it doesn’t matter how much grain liquor I tossed down my personal throat. I’d feverish lesbian intercourse dreams nearly every nights my life. I would personally get up perspiration and
depressed
, gutturally unfortunate that the mind-blowing girl-on-girl climax I got skilled had all been an aspiration. And my personal bleak reality included no orgasms (except the lonely people we gave me at 2 a.m. after my roommate had passed away down).

One week-end my boyfriend sought out of town and that I made the decision it actually was the perfect time to sink my depriving teeth into
The L Keyword.
I’d heard about the sensuous tv series, “The L keyword” from a number of my personal some other closeted queer friends in twelfth grade, but was basically as well nervous to watch it. But we understood the time had come to pull the trigger therefore, I hopped into my vibrant yellowish mini cooper and moved right to Blockbuster and hired the initial two months. We intrinsically comprehended I found myselfn’t probably going to be capable casually watch “The L keyword.”


I understood it had been likely to catapult myself into dealing with my personal lesbian-ness head on and that it may likely be a powerful knowledge. So I made plans to hunker down and binge watch the Showtime classic in solitude, and so I could procedure my personal gayness in comfort

We fell in love with Shane initially.

Not simply because Shane had been stunningly breathtaking, boldly bra-less, and wildly unattainable; but because Shane had an insatiable sex drive that I got just ever observed depicted on television by

men

. She had a gender drive like

me

.

Like me, she directed together sexual desire over her bleeding-heart. But she wasn’t portrayed as a brainless bimbo just like the remaining portion of the sexually energetic feminine figures in news. She had an interesting backstory. She had a deep sound, perhaps not a cartoonish, high-pitched Barbie pornography squeal.

And a lot of pressingly, she got put.

Continuously.

Let us get particular. Near your own sight. Recall period one, whenever Shane gets the chance to carry out the actress/socialite Cherie Jaffe’s hair? And Cherie Jaffe — who’s hitched to

a person

is totally entranced by swaggy Shane right away? And you just know that steamy sex and irreparable turmoil is going to stew amongst the two undoubtedly cougar sexy women? Which was the precise minute I realized that lesbian intercourse was not merely hyper-passionate but super dramatic as well. I unexpectedly cannot wait to plunge in to the Sapphic pond and drown in a teeming ocean of lust and feelings.

At eighteen, for my entire quick existence I have been according to the false impression that males pursued intercourse and ladies happened to be hunted for sex. Part of my personal anxiety in being gay had been that I would personally be alone in my own unlimited longing for intercourse. Invest the guys outside of the equation, just who even initiates acquiring serious? Was I destined for lifelong of hand-holding and yearly “lovemaking” with my permanently lover? Gag! I am aware this seems like a dumb, reductive attitude — but honey; I became

eighteen

. I gotn’t been confronted with anything lesbian beyond
Ellen
, exactly who I love, but her comedy was very really sexless. As well as we, as an idiotic, uncultured teen realized that lesbian porno was created for any male gaze.

It wasn’t until I confronted with Shane that I understood just what accomplished lesbians had recognized all along: Lesbians can (and do) do have more electric, interesting, and scandalous gender drives compared to the average hetero will ever have. And let us be actual. I’m a lez exactly who demands some
intercourse and internet dating
crisis inside my existence. I became frightened that my entire life would be all about LGBTQ hardships, one giant endeavor that kept no room for any menial commitment dramas that had incredibly spiced right up my personal lifeless teenage years. I didn’t would you like to let that primal element of myself personally — the section of myself personally that recklessly dated and smashed hearts and got savagely dumped and drunkenly hooked up utilizing the wrong people against my personal better judgment —

get

. I did not wish my entire life becoming a protest, you are sure that?

And Shane, the epicenter of lesbian intercourse crisis regarding L Word, educated me that do not only would these juvenile escapades remain in my life, however they would be much more intense than ever before. For males have absolutely nothing, absolutely nothing on the Shanes of the world. Because unlike males, the Shanes with this harsh globe

quest

but are in addition

hunted

. These are generally horny f*ckgirls and interesting animals with heart and degree and humor. These are generally swaggy and gorgeous and female and vulnerable all at one time. They log in to very top and they get on the base, as well. They showed myself that becoming with a woman meant not having to choose between facing a dominant or a submissive character in a relationship. It means possible teeter amongst the two, bask inside the spectrum of every thing and become fluid in power.

If you ask me, the character of Shane signifies
lesbian sex
. The good, the terrible as well as the unattractive of

lesbian intercourse

. And
sex
could be the power of everything for a female like my self. Since if you truly break it down, isn’t everything about sex? Isn’t sex nearly

lusting

after something very greatly and then devouring it with pleasure? actually life about wanting situations very extremely and getting the bravery to truly

indulge

in those things once they’re provided to you?

After my week-end binge of “The L keyword,” I kept my personal sweetheart. And started obtaining the greatest gender of my life with ladies. And when that began taking place, I began living my best existence as an out and proud lesbian.